Day 4
"Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them."
Okay, this sounds rediculous! I mean, really??? If I knew there would be something Logan needed that I could possibly have gotten for him while at work, he would tell me this in the a.m. before he left...but OKAY, I did it anyway and this was our convo
Ring Ring Ring
Logan: hey babe
me: Hi hunny bunssss (kind of drug that one out)
Logan: What's up?
me: oh nothing, how are you doing? (secretly giggles)
Logan: ha, uhhh, fine thank you? (yes he said it as though he were asking me)
By then I was laughing SO hard I couldn't contain myself!
me: oh that's wonderful, just wanted to make sure you were having a great afternoon. Oh by the way, can I do anything for you while you're at work so you don't have to?
Logan: wow Shelb...is everything okay?
me: ::still laughing:: I'm fine was just thinking about ya and thought I'd call and ask.
Logan: Oh, well thanks babe that was thoughtful but i'm okay, I'll see you when I get home.
me: sweet! I love you hunny buns (yes, that's what I like to call him)
Logan: Love you more!
And we hang up...
This is a bonus in my book, he even mentioned the word of the day...THOUGHTFUL.
Dare of the day...Completed
Friday, December 18, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Love is Not Selfish
Day 3
"Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says,"I was thinking of you today."
Today I was on a mission to find Logan's favorite body wash that has been sold out the past 2 trips we have made to Bath & Body. It doesn't sound like much of a gesture but this body wash to Logan is like a peppermint white chocolate mocha to me, it puts a smile on our faces =) So, I braved the crazy busy mall today and sure enough they were out of tranquil mint AGAIN, but I asked (more like begged) the lady to please search the back for me in hopes that she'd find a box of them...SHE DID! God was on my side today. I bought 4 bottles and wrapped a big red bow around them and as soon as he was home from work, he saw the "prize" and a BIG smile covered his face and a "thank you babe" to boot.
Dare of the day...Completed
"Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says,"I was thinking of you today."
Today I was on a mission to find Logan's favorite body wash that has been sold out the past 2 trips we have made to Bath & Body. It doesn't sound like much of a gesture but this body wash to Logan is like a peppermint white chocolate mocha to me, it puts a smile on our faces =) So, I braved the crazy busy mall today and sure enough they were out of tranquil mint AGAIN, but I asked (more like begged) the lady to please search the back for me in hopes that she'd find a box of them...SHE DID! God was on my side today. I bought 4 bottles and wrapped a big red bow around them and as soon as he was home from work, he saw the "prize" and a BIG smile covered his face and a "thank you babe" to boot.
Dare of the day...Completed
Labor Pains
"Umm, do you realize it is DECEMBER which means it's 14 degrees outside and you want me to go for a flippin' walk?!?!" "Are you out of your mind?!?!"
Yeah, I was a little snippy but could you blame me? What doc sends home a woman in active labor that is dilated 5-6 centimeters??? Doctor Ochoa, that's who!! (jackass) I decided to go ahead and leave because we had been walking all day and I wanted to take a shower and freshen up ;) It hadn't been but 30 minutes and I was right back at Irwin Army checking into my room. First things first, I made sure the Anesthesiologist was the man I could see right away for my epi. I'm not ashamed to say that I had absolutely no need to prove my strength by trying to give birth naturally, I mean a almost 7 pound baby going through a VERY small opening already, isn't that proof of strength and bravery in itself? Dr. Epidural man came and did his magic and I was relieved of all the labor pains and thought I had some time to rest...ha ha ha, yeah right! After 3 pushes, Connor Ray Bixler was born weighing in at 6 lbs. 6 oz. 19 1/2 inches long at 12:26 a.m. on December 18th, 2006 with a FULL head of hair.
When I had found out I was pregnant with this little guy I felt guilty because I didn't think I could love another child as much as I loved Brennen. A dear friend of mine told me this, "Shelbie, love doesn't divide it can only multiply". Boy was she right.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Love is Kind
Day 2
"In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness."
My "act of kindness" today was very unexpected to say the least. I turned on some Christmas music while I was helping Brennen with his homework and Taylor Swift's version of Santa Baby came on, I looked for my hunny and grabbed him, held him close, and we danced. It was so adorable, his face was lit up like our Xmas tree and he had a smile from ear to ear! The boys just sat at the table watching their momma and daddy dancing and singing together. This is the love I want my children to experience one day, the love that can endure SO much and still be as devoted to each other as we are.
Dare of the day...completed.
"In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness."
My "act of kindness" today was very unexpected to say the least. I turned on some Christmas music while I was helping Brennen with his homework and Taylor Swift's version of Santa Baby came on, I looked for my hunny and grabbed him, held him close, and we danced. It was so adorable, his face was lit up like our Xmas tree and he had a smile from ear to ear! The boys just sat at the table watching their momma and daddy dancing and singing together. This is the love I want my children to experience one day, the love that can endure SO much and still be as devoted to each other as we are.
Dare of the day...completed.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Love Is Patient
Day 1 (December 15th, 2009)
"The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret."
Today was not difficult but what may become on some other day. Patience needs to be practiced and is truly a learned skill. Over the course of our marriage I have practiced this and I can honestly say 7 years ago I never understood the meaning of it.
I have learned to be more selfless than selfish, I have to be otherwise I wouldn't be married to the man that I love so much. A marriage has so many meanings but beyond the obvious, "marriage shows us the need to grow and deal with our own issues of self-centeredness with the help of a partner".
Dare of the day...completed
"The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret."
Today was not difficult but what may become on some other day. Patience needs to be practiced and is truly a learned skill. Over the course of our marriage I have practiced this and I can honestly say 7 years ago I never understood the meaning of it.
I have learned to be more selfless than selfish, I have to be otherwise I wouldn't be married to the man that I love so much. A marriage has so many meanings but beyond the obvious, "marriage shows us the need to grow and deal with our own issues of self-centeredness with the help of a partner".
Dare of the day...completed
Julie & Julia
I have Netflix (love it btw) and rented the movie Julie & Julia...What a great movie! It has actually inspired me to want to cook even more. Don't get me wrong, I love cooking and I do it just about every night BUT I cook the same thing usually twice a month. How boring is that?! I watch the Food network channel and see all these great ideas and when i go to try them I have forgotten some of the ingredients at the store and by the time I have time to return to get it i've lost the enthusiasm to cook the recipe all together! So my New Years resolution this coming year will not be the usual "lose weight" or "save money" etc...It will be to come up with a new dish to make for my hungry brood AT LEAST once a month. I know, doesn't seem like a whole big step to take but i've noticed that if i make a goal that isn't within arms reach, I usually do not complete it. Baby steps people, baby steps!!!
On a side note, Logan came home from his Airborne school just a few days ago which is why I have been unable to start the Love/Dare...Now that he is home, today is the day I started it. I will write about this later tonight in a seperate blog.
On a side note, Logan came home from his Airborne school just a few days ago which is why I have been unable to start the Love/Dare...Now that he is home, today is the day I started it. I will write about this later tonight in a seperate blog.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Time heals all wounds, right?
This is something so personal that I have not shared it with many people. It has been such an emotional time in my life that I have finally found the courage to talk about it in hopes of healing myself a little bit more.
August 15th 2009 was the day I was expecting Aunt Flo and she decided to not pay me a visit. I'm not naive what-so-ever so of course I assumed I was pregnant. Off I went to the store and picked up a PG test, came home and could NOT wait for the a.m. so to the bathroom I went. A few minutes later I walked out with a smile on my face and showed Logan the test results (thank goodness for the tests that say pregnant/not pregnant) and I recieved a HUGE smile in return. We were EXPECTING!!!
First ::honest:: thoughts;
1. OMG!
2. How will Brennen and Connor take this?
3. My school?!?!
4. Can we really handle this?
5. Of course we can =)
Next thing you know I was at Womack getting my blood drawn to confirm, results were positive. Made a doc appt. to OB intake and there we were, doing the baby thing again, it was so surreal to be honest I just never thought I would be so lucky to be blessed with another child.
The first week of September...I woke up to some spotting and FREAKED out because I have never experienced this with either of my boys. Went to the doctors and she did an exam and said my cervix was nice and closed, had an US and baby was there in the sac with a heartbeat. ::weird:: I was fine or so I thought until my 12 week appointment took place September 29th...That is the day my life flipped upside down. Went in, had the normal vitals done, lost 2 lbs (which is normal) and sat in the room waiting to meet my new OB. About 15 minutes later she comes in and first question she asked was, "how are you?" I instantly told her my concerns and that I had this weird feeling something wasn't right. She checked my cervix and said,"No, your uterus is a good 11 to 12 week size, you're fine but lets go ahead and listen for the heartbeat." Put the doppler to my tummy and roamed around for about 2 minutes which seemed like forever when trying to find something that shoud'nt be a problem. NOTHING. Then she continues to tell me that the baby may be too small to hear the HB so she went ahead and grabbed the US machine. Right away she found the baby and I could see it too, I could also see no movement or heartbeat, and right then my heart sank. She kept at it for another minute or so and then looks up at me and says,"I am going to go get another doctor to CONFIRM, but I don't see a heartbeat Mrs. Bixler." Shock had set in and I felt nothing. Logan took my hand and said nothing.This is a moment I never thought I would experience and there we were, waiting in a cold, white room...waiting for another doc to confirm MY miscarriage.
Dr. Parente walks in, a gentle looking gal, smiles at me with hesitation and takes the US to my uterus, she says to the other doc, "Go ahead and write IUED (IntraUteran Embryonic Demise) in her file". I knew exactly what that meant and still I felt nothing. Was this denial? After I sat up and silence had swept the room, she told me the baby only measured 7 weeks 4 days which meant that it had died 4 weeks ago. 4 weeks ago??? As in the beginning of September when I had the spotting incident? Exactly!
I had three options the first being the natural abortion as they call it where the baby miscarries on its own and I'm no longer pregnant. Well der, that obviously hadn't happened yet and it had already been 4 weeks, no longer an option. The second, they place cervidil in my cervix and I contract as if I were in labor then wait...WAIT? You mean I have to wait for up to 2 weeks to "deliver" my baby? That no longer became an option either. So, the last option I had was for a D & C (Dilation and Curettage) which is a surgical procedure that's done to remove baby, I'm knocked out and it's done, wake up and move on. Is it really that simple?
So, I made my appointment for the very next day to have this surgery done and there I was, September 30th 2009, in pre-op getting blood work done, waiting for my name to be called into the O.R. This, THIS was surreal, sitting in a bed getting my I.V. put in, being asked 50 questions...The nurse offered her condolences and then asked if we were going to try for another. ARE YOU SERIOUS? Geez, that's not ANYTHING I could answer right away. About 20 minutes later I was being wheeled into the O.R. don't remember falling asleep and then I woke up and was done. It was done.
Still to this day I often think about the reasons I was given this experience. I think about the baby that could have been born April 17th, 2010...I think about what my life would be like with three little blessings...I think about how I would have handled my school work/load...I think about a lot, and what I've come to realize is that everything happens for a reason. Whether I know the reason or not, it was suppose to happen and I have accepted it. I am suppose to concentrate on my two beautiful boys that I have, the husband that I adore and ME. School is such an important part of my life and I have an even better reason to continue to strive at reaching my goals. I appreciate life much more than before and for that I am thankful for this experience.
August 15th 2009 was the day I was expecting Aunt Flo and she decided to not pay me a visit. I'm not naive what-so-ever so of course I assumed I was pregnant. Off I went to the store and picked up a PG test, came home and could NOT wait for the a.m. so to the bathroom I went. A few minutes later I walked out with a smile on my face and showed Logan the test results (thank goodness for the tests that say pregnant/not pregnant) and I recieved a HUGE smile in return. We were EXPECTING!!!
First ::honest:: thoughts;
1. OMG!
2. How will Brennen and Connor take this?
3. My school?!?!
4. Can we really handle this?
5. Of course we can =)
Next thing you know I was at Womack getting my blood drawn to confirm, results were positive. Made a doc appt. to OB intake and there we were, doing the baby thing again, it was so surreal to be honest I just never thought I would be so lucky to be blessed with another child.
The first week of September...I woke up to some spotting and FREAKED out because I have never experienced this with either of my boys. Went to the doctors and she did an exam and said my cervix was nice and closed, had an US and baby was there in the sac with a heartbeat. ::weird:: I was fine or so I thought until my 12 week appointment took place September 29th...That is the day my life flipped upside down. Went in, had the normal vitals done, lost 2 lbs (which is normal) and sat in the room waiting to meet my new OB. About 15 minutes later she comes in and first question she asked was, "how are you?" I instantly told her my concerns and that I had this weird feeling something wasn't right. She checked my cervix and said,"No, your uterus is a good 11 to 12 week size, you're fine but lets go ahead and listen for the heartbeat." Put the doppler to my tummy and roamed around for about 2 minutes which seemed like forever when trying to find something that shoud'nt be a problem. NOTHING. Then she continues to tell me that the baby may be too small to hear the HB so she went ahead and grabbed the US machine. Right away she found the baby and I could see it too, I could also see no movement or heartbeat, and right then my heart sank. She kept at it for another minute or so and then looks up at me and says,"I am going to go get another doctor to CONFIRM, but I don't see a heartbeat Mrs. Bixler." Shock had set in and I felt nothing. Logan took my hand and said nothing.This is a moment I never thought I would experience and there we were, waiting in a cold, white room...waiting for another doc to confirm MY miscarriage.
Dr. Parente walks in, a gentle looking gal, smiles at me with hesitation and takes the US to my uterus, she says to the other doc, "Go ahead and write IUED (IntraUteran Embryonic Demise) in her file". I knew exactly what that meant and still I felt nothing. Was this denial? After I sat up and silence had swept the room, she told me the baby only measured 7 weeks 4 days which meant that it had died 4 weeks ago. 4 weeks ago??? As in the beginning of September when I had the spotting incident? Exactly!
I had three options the first being the natural abortion as they call it where the baby miscarries on its own and I'm no longer pregnant. Well der, that obviously hadn't happened yet and it had already been 4 weeks, no longer an option. The second, they place cervidil in my cervix and I contract as if I were in labor then wait...WAIT? You mean I have to wait for up to 2 weeks to "deliver" my baby? That no longer became an option either. So, the last option I had was for a D & C (Dilation and Curettage) which is a surgical procedure that's done to remove baby, I'm knocked out and it's done, wake up and move on. Is it really that simple?
So, I made my appointment for the very next day to have this surgery done and there I was, September 30th 2009, in pre-op getting blood work done, waiting for my name to be called into the O.R. This, THIS was surreal, sitting in a bed getting my I.V. put in, being asked 50 questions...The nurse offered her condolences and then asked if we were going to try for another. ARE YOU SERIOUS? Geez, that's not ANYTHING I could answer right away. About 20 minutes later I was being wheeled into the O.R. don't remember falling asleep and then I woke up and was done. It was done.
Still to this day I often think about the reasons I was given this experience. I think about the baby that could have been born April 17th, 2010...I think about what my life would be like with three little blessings...I think about how I would have handled my school work/load...I think about a lot, and what I've come to realize is that everything happens for a reason. Whether I know the reason or not, it was suppose to happen and I have accepted it. I am suppose to concentrate on my two beautiful boys that I have, the husband that I adore and ME. School is such an important part of my life and I have an even better reason to continue to strive at reaching my goals. I appreciate life much more than before and for that I am thankful for this experience.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Metal Mania
The drive down to Georgia wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, the skies were overcast (so no bright sun shining in my eyes) and the air was cool. We arrived in Columbus around 3 p.m. and checked into our hotel. Unloading our stuff into the room went by quickly and then we sat there and waited. Now, judging by the phone calls I would recieve every night from Logan since he's been out here (which was around 6 every night) I figured he would be off work and at our hotel by 6:30 p.m... NOPE! Finally around 8:30 my phone rang, low and behold it was the hubbs :) YAY! We finally get to see daddy! I know it's only been a week since he left for Airborne, but dang, no matter how long he leaves for be it a week or 52 weeks, we miss him just the same...
Onto Thanksgiving day, I wake up to a red, puffy, "drooling" right eye. What a sight to see, I go to the bathroom and turn on the light to find how sensitive my eye is and assumed I became a vampire :/ Anyway, back into the room I go and ask if Logan and the boys wouldn't mind taking me to the ER...Ha, yeah the ER on the holiday we are suppose to spend eating turkey and giving thanks. To the ER we go (Martin Army) in Ft. Benning, walk in and there are no patients waiting at all. Is this for real? I have never once experienced walking into an Army hospital that doesn't have a single patient waiting to be seen! Lucky? YES! The doc saw me right away and could not find anything in my eye but I knew there was something there. Another doc comes in and actually uses the "eye machine" and BAM, there it was, a very small piece of metal (?) imbedded in my lense. WTH? REALLY? HOW? Too many questions that I could not possibly answer but anyway, they went ahead and numbed my eye up and used a 18 guage needle to remove the dang thing...Yes, I was a little sissy and scared poop-less! "Needle-ss" to say, my eye is back to normal and we had a safe trip back to NC.
Missing Logan very much but am thankful this school is almost over. The boys are being especially good for momma while daddy is away and I couldn't ask for more =D
Onto Thanksgiving day, I wake up to a red, puffy, "drooling" right eye. What a sight to see, I go to the bathroom and turn on the light to find how sensitive my eye is and assumed I became a vampire :/ Anyway, back into the room I go and ask if Logan and the boys wouldn't mind taking me to the ER...Ha, yeah the ER on the holiday we are suppose to spend eating turkey and giving thanks. To the ER we go (Martin Army) in Ft. Benning, walk in and there are no patients waiting at all. Is this for real? I have never once experienced walking into an Army hospital that doesn't have a single patient waiting to be seen! Lucky? YES! The doc saw me right away and could not find anything in my eye but I knew there was something there. Another doc comes in and actually uses the "eye machine" and BAM, there it was, a very small piece of metal (?) imbedded in my lense. WTH? REALLY? HOW? Too many questions that I could not possibly answer but anyway, they went ahead and numbed my eye up and used a 18 guage needle to remove the dang thing...Yes, I was a little sissy and scared poop-less! "Needle-ss" to say, my eye is back to normal and we had a safe trip back to NC.
Missing Logan very much but am thankful this school is almost over. The boys are being especially good for momma while daddy is away and I couldn't ask for more =D
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Cold Feet
Monday, November 16, 2009
Fireproofed
So, I watched a movie over the weekend and what a movie it was! At first the acting was so bad I wanted to switch the T.V. off but once the plot began to thickin, I looked past the acting and was very much into the premise. This movie is about how a marriage became "off course" and the couple forgot how to love one another. So the husband and wife are at wits end and decide that divorce would be the only option until good ol' paternal dad shows his son another way. It's called the Love Dare and it starts with Day 1 and goes for 40 days total (not necessarily ending at Day 40). The husband decides this is the option he would rather go for and see how far it takes him. He starts out the Love Dare and by Day 20 he hasn't gotten very far with his wife who has absolutely no idea what has become of her husband. What hasn't been discovered by this man is the love for the Lord. That is where the story starts...The love for God means so much to me.
Anyway, back to the movie and WHY I need to write about it. This movie (if watched completely through) has such a powerful message that made me look at my own marriage. I have been married for almost 7 years now and as much as I would love to say it's perfect, it isn't. Every relationship has hiccups along the way and that's to be expected but if you don't try to better it, what's the point in staying? So, back to my point, after watching this movie I have made a decision to try the Love Dare and document what happens along the way. This can only help my relationship with my wonderful hubbs so why not?!
BTW, the movie is called Fireproof, I highly recommend watching it=D
Anyway, back to the movie and WHY I need to write about it. This movie (if watched completely through) has such a powerful message that made me look at my own marriage. I have been married for almost 7 years now and as much as I would love to say it's perfect, it isn't. Every relationship has hiccups along the way and that's to be expected but if you don't try to better it, what's the point in staying? So, back to my point, after watching this movie I have made a decision to try the Love Dare and document what happens along the way. This can only help my relationship with my wonderful hubbs so why not?!
BTW, the movie is called Fireproof, I highly recommend watching it=D
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